Disability Pride month

Started writing this on July,2, 2026~   Triggering warning suicide loss  discussed – firearms mentioned if you are struggling please reach out please #988Lifeline And know you are not alone

Had to take a break not just for myself but  also for our Nikki sake given the time of year around  the Fourth of July is stressful for all of us. I have never really cared the fireworks that people buy and set off themselves because of my exaggerated startle response related to my cerebral palsy initially it was just a solely physical response to the loud noises. However since my father’s suicide in 2012 (that involved use of a firearm .)I now also have a strong reaction related to #ptsd many #suicidelosssurvivors that loved ones deaths involve  use a firearm often struggle with this time of year.
This year I was definitely  even more over the 4th of July than usual . Due to what has happened to this country under this current administration on the 250th birthday of our country the fact that yesterday there were images of masked white nationalists out in the open on public a bus caused a weird grief reaction in itself. 
I really don’t recognize this country anymore. Not mention that Donald trumps Fourth of July speech was one of the weirdest things I have ever seen.  (Then again  there is nothing normal about  Donald Trump and his followers.)  Yesterday I couldn’t help but start laughing as a nervous response  when the YMCA – by the village people came on after his speech for someone who is so hateful towards the LGBTQ community he sure likes that song. I can’t help but wonder if he has internalized homophobia, I think it is quite  possible he is bisexual.  Under normal circumstances I would feel sorry for someone if  they  had hatred and self loathing around their own sexuality but given he is malignant narcissist  that has caused pain to so many  I find it extremely hard to have empathy for him.

Presidents are supposed to bring people together not push election conspiracy theories about how   the 2020 election was stolen (which most people know it wasn’t )or to push for legislation  that would disenfranchise voters.

The SAVE Act (Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act, or SAVE America Act) is a federal bill requiring citizens to present in-person documentary proof of U.S. citizenship (such as a passport or birth certificate) to register to vote in federal elections

The reality is that is very little voter fraud and non citizens are not able to vote no matter  how many times trump says it doesn’t make it at all true.

The save act is nothing more then an attempt to rig the election in trump and republicans favor because they know if they don’t cheat they will undoubtedly lose this November,  I foresee another January 6th like event happening during the midterms 

Navigating a disability after a significant life stressor like a suicide loss ,looks very different than it did prior  to my loss. Even for someone like me that has been disabled since birth.

People who experience deaths that are sudden and violent in nature experience #complicatedgrief that last longer and often requires the guidance of a mental health professional; where as uncomplicated grief does not. ( example of #uncomplicategrief is my prior losses of both my grandparent’s on my moms side.)

It is not that uncommon for people with no history of any underlying health conditions to later develop health conditions after a traumatic loss I have known fellow suicide loss survivors that have even become disabled after their losses.

Although this isn’t fully medically understood it is believed that it is correlated to the impact of #chronicstress on the body.  Living with a chronic illness  often comes with a certain level of #grief when you have a body that doesn’t always respond in the way you would like to; not all grief is related to a death. ( examples of non- death related grief include, relationships, job, loss, health etc.  I will be honest I hadn’t  given much thought to non- death related grief until my original therapist brought it to my attention after my dad’s death  . I believe this has to due with the pressures to always be positive as a disabled person I do care for the phenomenon of #inspirationporn

Inspiration porn is a term coined by the late disability activist Stella Young. It refers to media and narratives that objectify disabled people, framing them as “inspirational” solely to make non-disabled audiences feel good or to motivate them, rather than acknowledging disabled people as equal, three-dimensional human beings

sadly sometimes disabled people even play into this which in my mind does everyone a disservice for both the non-disabled and disabled communities because it can make it more  difficult to have authentic conversations about the complexities that come with living with disability, that are not always pretty, fair or positive.  

This is particularly true given we are 6 years into a #massdisablingevent that people are  willfully not acknowledging , the amount of mental gymnastics the medical establishment is doing to avoid to dealing with the harms caused by #covid is staggering,  A few days ago  both mom and I went to the doctor office to go over routine blood work we were both masking ( as we always do health care settings.  ) The physician assistant who has been taking care of us both us for a long time ..  Who is at least in her 60s if not her 70s was  unmasked which wasn’t a surprise; What  was a surprise  was when when she saw us masked
and actually said it  is good you are still masking, even going as far as to say she probably still should. She even paused for a minute  obviously trying to decide if she wanted to grab and put on a mask . Sadly even though she admitted she should: she untimely still decided not to mask. Whether it was out of convenience or some sort of emotional trauma response related to COVID I know the pandemic was and still is very traumatic for healthcare workers. Still the whole thing made me very sad for us all. It made me want to interact with the healthcare system even less given this is attitude  towards mitigating illness

I Have seem a lot of backlash (in comments on social media )
directed towards both #pridemonth which is celebrated in June and #DisabilityPrideMonth which is observed in July in the given #AmericansWithDisabilities was passed in the United States on July, 26,1990.
I never thought I see so much hate and anger over one simple word (pride) I have seen so many disabled people that want to remove the pride part of disability pride month over nothing more then their own #homophobia wanting to call it ADA awareness month which completely dismisses the fact that we are global community  and #DisabilityPrideMonth is not just for those us of in the United States or solely based on when the Americans with disabilities act was passed I also have seen people wanting to call it disability awareness month stuff long those lines.

Any disabled person who carries that level of animosity and lack of understanding towards the LGBTQ community is just sad . Marginalized groups should be supporting each other not hurting each other .

Some of my dearest friends are part of #lgbtqcommunity they are the kindest and compassionate people I have ever met: I feel extremely grateful to have them in life; because of intersectionality many LGBTQ people are also disabled, All people have multiple aspects to their identity that impacts how they are treated by our society It is definitely disappointing to know that some in the disability community are being hateful and exclusionary towards those who are  LGBTQ.

I am also troubled by the amount of internalized ableism I am seeing within the disability community some disabled people seem strangely angered by those of us that choose say disability pride month as if there is nothing to be proud collectively as a community.

-Internalized ableism –

occurs when disabled individuals absorb and unconsciously apply society’s negative stereotypes and prejudiced values about disability to themselves. It involves measuring your self-worth by able-bodied standards, feeling shame about needing accommodations, or believing you are a burden.

Many disabled people if they are honest with themselves have to navigate the realities of their own internalized ableism myself included.  After reading some of the comments of disabled people being so down on themselves, sadly some even think it is ok to use the R word to describe themselves. Which is to me little cringy, given there better terms such as intellectual disabled  the term Mental retardation was originally used in a  medical context  and is extremely outdated and  given the R word and variations of it are used as a slur against those with intellectual disabilities it is important that as society when we know better, we do better  I say this  baring in mind  that in my case my #cerebralpalsy does not impact my cognitive abilities. My body just likes have a little fun with  me and do some weird things in terms of my neurological system.
I mention this because the rate of people of  with cerebral palsy that have physical and cognitive impairments is about 50 percent. So it important to recognize that not everyone with the same condition is impacted in same way.

In reading the comments it made a little sad to realize just how many people in the disability community have internalized ableism that gone emotionally unprocessed and unchallenged. 

As much as it hasn’t been easy or pleasant  to deal the amount of ableism and  lack of acceptance particularly on my dads side of the family  was so blatantly obvious that once I talked about it in therapy, that my original therapist said there is absolutely nothing normal about how they treated you. Making it abundantly we were going to have to emotionally process and deal with that.  Unfortunately I suspect that many disabled people do have safe people around them to point out the harm that comes from internalized ableism

With all that said please practice #selfcare during this disability pride month given just how weird things have gotten in our culture and please be kind to one another, lashing out at one another helps no one☮️️