Trigger warning:
Suicide discussed if you struggling please reach out for help ithere is no shame in seeking help and support. Please know you are not alone ❤️ there are people that want to help. If you have experienced a suicide loss please know you’re loved one’s death is not your fault. . Suicide is not 100% preventable. Although I still encourage people to seek help and there is no shame in doing so. Suicide occurs for multilayered reasons that very are complex aand complicated.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
The resources and information on this page are designed to help states, territories, tribes, mental health and substance use disorder professionals, and others looking for information on understanding the background, history, funding opportunities, and implementation resources for strengthening suicide prevention and mental health crisis services

FRIENDS FOR SURVIVAL

We are a 501(c) (3) tax-exempt charitable, national non-profit bereavement outreach organization available to those who are grieving a suicide death of family or friends. We also assist professionals who work with those who are grieving a suicide tragedy. Friends For Survival, organized by and for survivors, has been offering suicide bereavement support services since 1983. All staff and volunteers have been directly impacted by a suicide death
https://friendsforsurvival.org/
Offering Help After A Suicide Death
(916) 392-0664
Toll Free: (800) 646-7322

The last few days have been particularly difficult. I am writing with a heavy heart and anxious mind. I have a family member who’s mental health and well-being is in crisis. I have been feeling as if the other shoe is going to drop if something does not change soon. The cold hard reality is you can’t force someone into treatment for the disease of alcoholism or other types of mental health treatment. Nor is suicide 100% preventable as we would like to believe like many suicide loss survivors I have at times struggled with questions of ‘Is there anything I could have done differently?” That could have prevented the nightmarish reality of my father dying by suicide in 2012, Deep down I know I couldn’t and understand that sadly I know that our estrangedment was necessary to protect myself from his unhealthy behavior.

It is heartbreaking to know that my cousin is in such emotional pain he feels it would be better to take his own life. It takes me back to when my dad first walked out and the reality of his bipolar illness was finally acknowledged, and I had no idea what to do other than the overwhelming feeling I had to protect myself given the way his life was spiraling out of control. On a side note based on my experiences in childhood it is best to be as honest as you can with children about a family member’s mental illness or suicide death in terms that are age appropriate denying the issue only compounds the issue later on.

In the years since my dad’s suicide I have done what I could to educate myself and advocate for those of us who live with mental illness and have experienced a suicide loss. I will admit as a person who lives with severe anxiety I sometimes feel like my efforts are insignificant and a drop in the bucket to what our culture truly needs in terms of the mental health crisis that our nation and world is facing. Particularly given I am not a mental health professional, sometimes I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. As I write I am not at all sure what the completed piece of writing will look like. If I am being honest I am writing as a means to manage my anxiety and process my trauma. As difficult as it is to write about the pain of having a family member who is struggling and feeling absolutely powerless as to how to help and knowing deep down a tragic outcome may be inevitable.The circumstances are already tragic although he still living,I realized i needed to do something healthy and constructive, Given my neurological systems trauma based responses it was clear I couldn’t avoid my feelings even if i wanted to doing so would only make things worse.
We are experiencing a mental health and cultural crisis the likes of which our society and world has never seen. In years since Trump was elected I have wondered how we got here as a country and society.Although Trump lost the election and the election was free and fair as it was probably our nation’s most scrutinized elections: yet nearly half the country has fallen hook line and sinker for Trump’s election lies. As I began writing this the story of Paul Pelosi being attacked during a home invasion had just broke The hammer wielding attacker uttering the phrase ‘where ‘s Nancy? Which was also chanted during the violent insurrection that took place on January 6th although some have chosen to whitewash the violence of that day, calling it a visitors day.

Denial is a very dangerous and deadly thing in terms of mental illness as I watched how my father’s life ended under the tragic circumstance of suicide. I deeply fear I will have to live through a tragic outcome with my cousin that he will not be able to come back from. The collective denial of what used to be the Republican Party: has become the extreme cult of trumpism and has had violent and deadly consequences for world, society and culture. It still boggles my mind that Donald Trump was able to be elected and cause such chaos within our political system and put our very democracy at risk. The notion that we had a president that has multiple accusations of rape and his vile attitude towards woman has been well documented, you need not look any further than the access Hollywood tape. Disgusts me. He has espoused hate and prejudice towards every minority group. The sad part is that is why he got elected. He certainly was not qualified, not to mention malignant narcissist who is very emotionally unwell.

Now we are living in a society where a whole political party is trying to dismantle fundamental human rights and vital social support. Many people do not have access to adequate healthcare which has only got worse since the pandemic. Some people have chosen to believe the pandemic is over. It is not in any way over this denial of reality that is putting everyone’s health at risk. Particularly those of us who live with chronic conditions, The Covid-19’ pandemic will affect our world for generations to come in ways we can’t possibly fully understand yet. This narrative that everything is suddenly back to normal is just flat out false., although I suppose it is easier for some to live in denial than fear the unknown. For me I would much rather live in reality then live in a world of denial at least that way I can do what I can to bring about positive changes in our society. We are in desperate need of quality mental health services and support. We already did not have enough pre pandemic. The need has only grown exponentially.
I recently found out through the experience of a friend that if you need in patient psychiatric hospitalization and you have medical equipment such as a wheelchair you can’t be admitted to a psychiatric as the wheelchair is considered a liability to the hospital,I later confirmed this with my psychologist, she said she has seen patients with something as simple as a CPAP machine: which is used to treat sleep apnea: wait in the er for a very long time because the CPAP Is considered a liability. There are very few medical/ psychiatric beds available meaning if you have any chronic condition you may very well be shit out of luck. This is an incredibly ableist view and policy. Given that most Americans are not the ideal specimen of health.

This all while we are living in a backdrop of people who would rather tear things down in terms of social supports and services instead of building things up, Having the attitude that people should be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps is an extremely callous and cold view of the world. It is a denial of the human struggle, That is real even if it differs from your own life experiences. With ten day left until the midterm election I hope with use the voices as well the votes to reject the denial that has come with trumpism. Because as i said denial is a very dangerous thing