Day 19

Originally written for writing your grief course done by Refugeingrief in October 2022

Day 19 

This writing will be a  complicated one for me ~  Trigger Warningsuicide discussed method briefly mentioned, To enyone has experienced a suicide loss your loved one death is not your fault, Sadly suicide is not always preventable ~ Having said that I wanted to put this out there 

 The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is now: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

 I want  remember to that time we drove through drive- thurs and said I am cornholio ~  The line from Beavis and Butthead 

 I need to forget the violent matter in which  you died ~ although it is hard to forget every  time I hear a firework  I am reminded of  the gun fire you must have heard that fateful day at  the shooting range in your last moments alive

 I want to remember when you went with me to sunsplash and we found it hard not to roll our eyes at my odd instructional assistant Michael.

I need to forget the times during my childhood when your behavior  was erratic and I didn’t  understand. ~ As I wasn’t made aware of your  bipolar disorder till much later.

I Want to remember the time you spent with our dogs

I need to forget the last years of your life we were estranged ~ As those were the years your life was spinning out of control 

Needless to say my memories of you are complicated: there are things I want  to remember and things I want to forget.