Day 12

Originally written for writing your grief course done by Refugeingrief September 2022

Day 12

I have to say  when I read this I had to laugh given the fucked up irony. Given it is essential to look at the pain and work with pain after a suicude loss. Particularly in my dad’s case he spent majority if not all of his life running from his  emotional pain as well not treating his bipolar disorder, the strange thing about suicide loss is the person who dies by suicide is out of their emotional turmoil and pain they were in that lead them to believe suicide was their only way out; this doesn’t mean the emotional pain goes  away it transfers over to those of us left behind.  The is why I have spent over have spent over a decade in therapy. I will need to be in therapy for the rest of my life   Therapy is a necessary evil for me and lot of suicide loss  survivors I have come acrosss. Not that it isn’t fucking exhausting. As well as the level of self care I need since my loss sometimes borders on ridiculous  I was told early on given the nature of my loss as well as the fact my dad and I were estranged I was navigating complicated grief and self care would be  essential survival skill. 

Address the pain as a separate  being~ I am fundamentally a different being then I was 10 and a half years ago. I sometimes feel like when my dad died I got dropped on  another planet and I speak a foreign language that only mental health professionals, other grieving people and the trauma informed understand. Our culture’s understanding of grief and mental health is shit. A person’s  emotional well-being is part of a person’s overall health and shouldn’t be treated differently. I will get off my soapbox now🙂